.

I mean, I knew February was short but it flew by in like a week! Seriously, it might as well be 2021 already the way, with the way the time is just escaping us! I kid, I kid.

Happy New month! And I hope goals are being smashed and motivation is still at the forefront for anyone reading this. I'm not going to lie, on my end, a few things took a backseat in February just adjusting to my new routine and what not.

I'm very hopeful for March though! Better weather (here's to wishing for it anyway), more stability and learning from what worked and what didn't work last month.

The last two weeks I've definitely been off on a lot of things. I've been feeling imbalanced and honestly just allowing other people to determine my emotions and reactions. I think that resulted in my period coming earlier than normal and that equally being all over the place. She came with such force this month, sis was not playing around with me this month.

Going to the gym this month has been a bit of a struggle too. I have been going but not as much as I like and not as early as I would like. It's been a struggle waking up before 8am on my days off, despite the fact when I am working, I'm up at 5:45am with no problem??

But I killed it today if I do say so, so I'm definitely setting the tone for this month.

Unfortunately the gym was kind of the only positive so far today. Coming home and speaking to one of my friends ready to go off on him about why I haven't heard from him and the lack of effort on his part. Only to find out a friend of his passed away last week. I haven't felt as many mixed emotions like that in a very long time.

I was furious with him and ready to cut him off pretty much but my heart sank hearing how torn up he was about the passing and how he hasn't been doing that well coping with it. Guilty that I hadn't checked up on him sooner, Sad because I was unable to tell him how I felt about how I feel he's been treating me. Also sad because of his loss and him being so hurt. I'm glad I could put my feelings to the side for a moment and give him the room to speak and pour his heart out to some extent but after the conversation was over, I wanted to cry myself. Feeling all these emotions and not knowing what to do with them or how to make sense of them. I'm still not quite there yet mentally to be able to carry my own mental and emotional load as well as someone elses ughhh especially someone I care about deeply.

It's just a reminder that I really need to stop procrastinating and either get back in touch with my previous therapist or find a new one. I definitely need someone to talk and help process and articulate some of the thoughts and trauma that I feel is stopping me from truly being greater!

Update on this coming soon because this blog is definitely going to hold me accountable whether I like it or not!

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